Magister Loony Magi
by Tenkai of Chaos
Summary: What do you get when you have to insane firends piss off a hellhound god and a lottery, well, you get this, two insane friends ending up in the Negima world. Read at your own descrestion and saninty....We will not be held responable for spilt sides.


**Magister Loony Magi**

Sum: Me and my friend end up in the world of Negima and Have to help Negi. I own Nothing but the Ocs

Period one

The more things change the more they strangely stay the same

"So you bastards thought it was funny to graffiti mark up the sacred shrine with pictures of naked women and transvestite hooker fish, eh?" Asked the angered figure of the doglike god Dimitri Bowrigim. Before him stood two male figures, snickering wildly at the god's disgust. One was a boy about 18 with messy semi long black hair with a bit of blonde at the bottom left and brown eyes. He wore a long red and black striped shirt that was covered by a short black hoodie and black Tripp pants. "You find it THAT amusing, Ryan?! Or as you like to be called, '15'? Those damn fish were YOURS, weren't they?" He roared. Ryan shook his head frantically and turned to his friend. "Um…n-not all of them, not the lemur fish. Tenkai did those." Then, turning to his friend, Ryan hissed "Say something! We got a hellhound pissed at us!"

"Well, it's not my fault you have no humor Dimi-boy." said the other young man. He was clearly five foot nine with long black hair in a low pony tail that reached his belt with a pale green eyes with small box shaped glasses. He was wearing black combat boots with black Hakama and a dark purple Chinese shirt with an ankle length black trench coat and fingerless gloves.

"NOOOOO, humor is when some dumbass falls into a pit full of rabid ninja cows, or when magical potatoes rape the school counselor. What you two idiot mortals did was just disrespectful, and must be dealt with harshly, while providing me with a laugh." The hellhound said, stern at his decision of punishment. "Hold on, how the hell are you gonna punish me? I made your dumb ass!" Ryan argued. "Sometimes, human, imagination can go on to spawn another type of life. It was a mistake of yours to create someone like me, one without a sense of sex humor or gay fish jokes. Now, I will decide your punishment….WITH A MAGICAL GOD LOTTERY!" Dimitri shouted. At his words, a giant machine with Powerball written on it crashed through the temple ceiling and landed on top of the two boys. Dimitri reached a bandaged hand into the machine and pulled out a slip of paper, on it was the punishment 'Send to the magical world of Negima with three styles/items/Psychic power that they chose and sent to the magical academy of Wales.' "Wow, I can't wait to see the kind of shit you guys get into THERE. If only you fucks were girls, it'd be THAT much funnier!!" Dimitri laughed, his head in his hands. "……why?" Ryan asked, his eye twitched at the statement. "You'll see when you get there, just call it…INSTANT BONERFICATION!" The hellhound said with a thrust of his pelvis. Ryan looked to Tenkai with a 'what the hell?' look, to which his friend grinned. "I know what he means." He replied. Tenkai knew of the world of Negima, far more than Ryan. That manga was just his type of thing, so honestly, Ryan had little to no clue. But Tenkai knew all….(insert sinister music here.)

"I told that little gnome to stop playing his music so loud, So what do you want?" the hellhound asked the boys. "I want the style of Karusu a magical item of a ruby pendent and the psychic power of taboo and scalpel." replied Tenkai his face looking depressed. "Well if that be the case, and we've got no choice in the matter, I'll use the Chinese martial arts style, couple that with a magic Zweihander to channel my energies through, and the psychic power consists of bringing forth life to do my bidding." Ryan said with a smirk, pulling out a deck of Tarot cards. "If both of you have your skills, then I will leave you to your magical and perverted fate." Dimitri said, spinning the Powerball machine in such a way that it created a flurry of light, which engulfed the two boys. "They are SO fucked." he chucked. "Now gnome, go and sponge off that infernal writing on the temple walls!!" He shouted, his fist pounding his throne of black stained gold.

---Negima world/15 year before start---

"It's twin boys." said a nurse handing two new born boys to a young woman who named them. "This one is Tenkai and the other Ryan Springfield." said the woman with a smile on her face. Although the adult don't know it the boys shared a look that clearly said what the fuck.

---15 years later---

The two young men stood in the arc way of the main hall as five ten year olds stood in front of the old magus as he handed the diplomas to the young boys and girls. "So, time to go make fun of Twangulio and get our long over do diplomas?" asked Tenkai pushing up his glasses with the palm of his hand and looked over to his brother that wore the same thing as before only with stripes on his coat. "Sure, why not, it's not like we're doing anything important." he replied as he picked up a large object cover in bandages. "Yes, well important is in the eye of the worker." Tenkai shot back as the grabbed there diplomas and caught up to the little brother.

"Hey Negi what's up." said Ryan as they got next to him the tall blonde girl and a small brown haired witch. "Hey so you got your diplomas. I have to tell fortunes in London." said the little witch. "Teaching in Japan." replied Ryan. "You too?" Negi replied showing his diploma. "What about you Tenkai?" asked the group when Negi was round housed kicked in the face. "I have to give 300 boot to the heads for legitimate reasons." came Tenkai's response. "But why did you kick me?" asked Negi tearing up. "For reasons of explanation of what a boot to the head is and to bring my number down to 299." came Tenkai's response with Ryan saying the same thing. "Damn you fools." said Negi under his breath.

---15 days later/Japan/Mahora---

The group of three boys where standing in a train full off young girl with short skirt and each where looking at the brothers before turning away with a blush. Tenkai getting a major grin on his face he snapped his fingers and a small amount of pepper appeared under Negi's nose, and he sniffed it up making him sneeze. When he sneezed a large gust of wind that blew the skirts of the girls on the train, seeing this, Tenkai pulled out a little notebook and started to write down notes and Ryan and Negi just looked away with a blush.

"Where did the come from?"

"I'm thinking a dirty mind."

"You hear that Negi, you have a dirty mind." said Tenkai as the train came to a stop. "I think it's you with the dirty mind." replied Negi as they got off. Looking around they saw every girl running to the school with voices over the intercoms saying not to be late. Looking at his pocket watch Negi realized that he's late and takes off with wind magic. "Shall we go?" asked Tenkai as shadows formed a portals into the deans office.

"Ello, Govna'!" Ryan chimed upon entry. The two psycho wizards had finally arrived. "Good day, Springfields." Dean Konoe replied, sitting at his desk. Tenkai's greeting began with a smile. Then; "ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE HEAD!!!" The spinning kick collided with Dean Konoe, sending him flying backwards into the wall. "W-what the hell was that?!!" The now bleeding old man asked. "My 'hello', what do you think?" Tenkai asked. Ryan smirked and began to dig through his pocket, searching for something he was keeping 'for a rainy day'. Tenkai turned his attention to his brother, realizing something was about to occur. "FISH TO THE HEAD!" Ryan yelled, tossing out three child sized fish (a trout, bass, and the ass of a tuna with a unibrow) which flopped noisily onto Dean Konoe's face. "I found the point of forced penal entry!!" Trout squealed.

-Sorry, this scene is far too graphic, even for the insanity of Negima. Transmission will resume momentarily. Now be quiet and hump the nearest wounded puppy…..- **"15!"**

Now resuming the image, The fish have vanished mysteriously from Dean Konoe's face and he is now resitting in his chair. "Um, now that introductions…kind of… are out of the way, I must say welcome to the Mahora Academy, Ryan and Tenkai Springfield." He said, wiping the (what looked like) fish sweat from his forehead. The two brothers couldn't help but utter a small chuckle at his previous plight.

Apparently all the Springfields were summoned to the Dean's office because right after that, the door opened and in stepped Negi with Konoka and Asuna (Asuna now wearing a P.E. uniform). "Hold on now!! All of us in ONE ROOM?!" Ryan gasped, realizing all three brothers were assembled. "I know, Dean Konoe must be out of his mind." Tenkai sighed.

Suddenly, he perked up. "Oh well, more fun for us!" He chimed, tossing a randomly appearing boot straight at Negi's head. While Konoe and Negi were having their conversations (Which Ryan swore was about how to molest sheep), the two crazy brothers were observing and noting about things around the room which could be used in later pranks throughout the school year. "Hold it, what are they taking about anyway?" Tenkai asked. He turned one ear to the others to ease drop.

"…Your teaching post should be quite a challenge in your training, eh?" Konoe was asking to Negi, who replied with a small head bow. "Yes sir, I'll do my best." He said. "You must do better than that, since you'll be teaching until March." Konoe corrected. "That goes for you too, Ryan!!" He added. "Yeah yeah, I hear you, gramps." Replied the disgruntled boy, who was annoyed since his fun was ruined with talk of serious matters. "Oh, by the way boys!" Konoe suddenly said. "My Granddaughter is available if you need a girlfriend!" Konoka, now sitting on her Grandfather's desk, replied with a "Thanks loads, Grandpa…" and whacked him in the head with a small mallet. Just as she finished this Tenkai appeared in front of her, his arms wrapped around her waist pulling her to him. "Thanks for the notice old man." said Tenkai getting a blush from Konoka.

All this didn't seem to sit well with Asuna, who had a bit of an outburst. "Hellooooo! This is me, still not buying these kids for a teacher! It's totally unacceptable!" She roared, referring to the Springfield boys. Konoe now wore a bandage on his forehead to hold down the lump his Granddaughter had awarded him.

"Asuna, that is not for you to decide, but for me to, and I do…for now." The Dean suddenly turned back to Negi. "But Negi, if you fail your training, there will be no second chances. Clear?" He asked. "Crystal clear sir!" The young wizard replied. "IF I fail…except I won't! That's all. I won't fail." Dean Konoe seemed pleased with Negi's response. With a small laugh, he said; "Just what I wished to hear! We'll start you off today. Your advisor will be Shizuna-Sensei. Are you there, Shizuna-Kun?" He asked, to which the door opened in reply.

"Yes sir." Was all Negi heard, before he got a face-full of large breasts. "Hello. You must be the famed Negi." Said the young woman. "Shizuna has been kept abreast of the situation." Dead Konoe added. All Negi could say was "I bet." "So…" Shizuna said, "…any questions?" Still between her breasts, Negi replied with "Can I have a cookie?" Ryan, hearing the question (and going through a 'random withdraw') leapt out of his seat, holding a pastry.

"No, but you can have a cookie-shaped pie!!" He shouted, slamming it into Negi's face, who fell backwards onto his ass. "Oh, one more thing," Konoe added. "Konoka, Asuna-chan: we're short on space, so Negi will have to bunk with you." "I sense hormones kicking innnnnn~" Sang Tenkai. Asuna's face was twisted with surprise (and a bit of hate), Negi's was JUST surprise, but Konoka simply said "That's fine."

"OK, squirt time's over. Move aside, Twangulio." Ryan ordered, pushing Negi aside. "Dean, what're me and Tenkai doing? You still haven't explained that."

"Tenkai's here to support you two through your teaching journeys and to give 300 people…uh…boots to the head." He replied. Tenkai began to laugh and correct him "298.". "BUT only for legitimate reasons!" Konoe added. "Ryan, you'll be teaching science to them all."

"So, can I go by the name 'Herr Doktor?'" Ryan asked, placing glasses on his face with many lenses and suddenly dawning long blonde hair with a German accent. "No, they'll call you Sensei, like everyone else." Konoe replied. "No Millennium parody for you, bro." Tenkai said, patting Ryan on his back. "Damn." replied Ryan.

"So, where are me and Ryan staying?" asked Tenkai looking at the old man as he kicked a boot and hit Asuna in the back of the head. "I've talked to Keade-san and she'll but up with one of you and the other can stay with Evangeline in her cabin." said the dean looking at the two. "I'll stay with this Keade and Ryan will stay with Eva, I don't trust him with to many people." replied Tenkai. "You don't trust me?" asked Ryan with big tearful eyes. "Chuck Norris." came Tenkai's reply making Ryan back away. "Alright, Takahata, please lead them to there class room." said the dean as the older man in the background nodded and lead the three Springfield's to a class room and left them with a class roster. "Alright Squeaker this is your class." the twins said before walking away. As Negi went in and started teaching Ryan turned to Tenkai and asked, "So what are we going to do?" "Hell in a hand basket?" asked Tenkai looking at his brother. "There's only two of us, and where are we going to get a cat?" shot back Ryan. "How about a modified Anko Miterashi with boots?" asked Tenkai as Ryan grinned like the Joker on a very good day as the two walked away.

An hour later Negi left the room and the girls just waited for there next teacher. Having small conversations the girls never noticed that a large shadow came into view and crashed into the window spinning. As the girls screamed as a cover shot out with the word, 'Greetings Class of 2-A, your new science teacher Ryan Springfield and assistant Tenkai Springfield to give you a boot to the head'. In front of the cloth was a large boot that suddenly exploded, sending a boot into the heads of every student and when the smoke cleared the two twins stood, grins like there kings of the world.

"Who are you!" yelled the class rep. "You new teacher Ryan Springfield but you can call Herr Doktor!" replied Ryan in a German accent. "Wait…Springfield…as in Negi Springfields brothers?" asked a girl with short purple hair that covered her eyes. "Unfortunately we're the little squeakers older twin brothers." said Tenkai as he put a scalpel in his mouth biting down on the blade. "We don't necessarily take pride in this fact of course, but it can't be helped." Ryan sighed.

"NOW," He said, taking out a rather large book and threw it onto the main teacher's desk. "I don't believe in wasting much time here, so let's get this started. As this IS science class, let's do something fun, MIX RANDOM CHEMICALS TOGETHER!!" He cheered. The entire class looked skittish at his remarks, he seemed like no teacher ever recruited.

"Was Dean Konoe on drugs when they hired this guy?!" Asuna asked. "No talking in class, unless it's about how ungodly sexy I am." Ryan said, now taking out a clip board. "Tenkai, please set up all the unstable chemicals while I take roll." The scalpel-biting brother nodded to his sibling's request. Reading down the class list, Ryan had a tendency to approach the smaller classmates and squeeze them until they squeaked, much to their horror. And to any who talked back, Tenkai was able to give them boots to the head. Finally he came across the girl he heard he was staying with, Evangeline A. K. McDowell.

Even the class could lightly sense the aura of insanity around the teacher as his smile grew wider. "You must be Eva-chan." Ryan said with a small bow. "I know you've heard I'm your teacher, however, I'm also hanging with you, much like Negi is with Asuna." He explained. "I hope we get well acquainted." There was a moment of silence before Tenkai sang out

"Pedophilllllleeeeeee~" "OH SHUT IT!" Ryan roared, his face a mild red. Tenkai returned to fixing up the chemicals, pleased that he embarrassed his brother in front of so many girls. Evangeline honestly looked like she didn't care, almost likely she ignored his remarks.

"We'll see how you feel later….NOW THEN, SHALL WE BLOW OURSELVES TO HELL?!" He asked, returning to his post. "Anyone tell me what these two are." No hands. "No one knows? LET'S FIND OUT!" The psychotic doctor yelled. "WAIT!" yelled Tenkai quickly turned around, then reemerged with a Bomb Squad shield. "OK, go on." He said, ready for the bang. "Brace yourself for the boom!" Ryan shouted, combining the two compounds. No bang, just a small 'poof' of a mushroom cloud.

"What the??" Ryan asked, peering into the test tubes.

"Tenkai?"

"What?"

"It grew a face!!!!" It was true, the now crimson colored liquid had grown an animalistic face and leapt out of the container!!

"What…the…FUCK?!" Yelled Fuka Narutaki, one of the twins. Because of that random profane outburst, everyone looked to her, just as the red mass attached itself onto a passing kitty Chachamaru probably brought in and it ran off, now a red mess.

"OK, I don't think I'm good at chemistry. Oh well, some scientist I turned out to be!" Ryan happily said, tossing the others behind him, which produced an explosion which threw him to the end of the room. "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T THEY DO THAT WHEN I WAS READY??!!!" Ryan roared.

"What did you do in your years of Science School?" Tenkai asked, "Cause you SUCK!" Ryan pulled his head out of the wall and rubbed a welt which appeared from the hit. "Everything they told me not to. DNA splicing, cutting girls open, and gluing cats to Nitroglycerine." He replied, making all the girls uneasy. "What's the matter? Don't worry, you're all OK, unless you REALLY piss me off, then Tenkai gets a new specimen." He said, pointing to his brother, waving a scalped around as if to say 'hello, I will cut you open now^^'

"Hey, you've tried chemistry, what about actually TEACHING them something?" Tenkai asked. "Good call, bro. I think you're right." Ryan replied, pulling out a chart of the (god help us) human body. "OK kids, time to show you all where babies come from!!" He cheered. "OK, stick to blowing stuff up. Nevermind." Tenkai said with a sweat drop. "But I ran out of explodes." Ryan said, pointing to the smoldering pile of ash on the floor. "We can use Asuna!" Tenkai chirped. Just then, the 'period end' bell' rang, dismissing them all. "Damn it, you got lucky." Ryan sighed. "Until later then!" Tenkai waved (with the scalpel somehow bloodied). "Damn little girls." The science psycho said under his breath, for some reason wearing a jester hat.

As the twins separated, Tenkai walked up to the dorms and Ryan stocked Evangeline to her house. Looking around Tenkai arrived at the dorms and started to ask around for Keade.

Getting good directions, he came to the door of her apartment and knocked. "Hello Springfield-sensei, why are you here?" she asked after she opened the door. "I'm staying here, deans orders and please outside of the classroom, you can call me Tenkai as I'm not a member of the staff, I'm just helping Ryan and trying to keep the damage down." replied Tenkai as she moved and let him in. "Right, not a problem, you can have the bottom bunk." she said as they walked in. "Oh, so you like to be on top, I can dig it but I personally like to be on top." he said with a perverted grin as he waged his eyebrows making her blush at the insinuated situation. "Oh, also Tenkai-dono, don't open anything, everything is rig with booby traps." said Kaede fighting down her blush. "Clearly to catch the boobies. I, however, intend to do the catching myself." Tenkai replied as he pushed his bag under the bed and looked at the young ninja girl making her blush again as his cocky and seductive grin.

Back with Ryan, he watched from behind a tree as Eva and Chachamaru walked into a wood cabin and after they closed the door he ran up to the door and knocked. After a few moments Chachamaru, in a maids outfit, opened the door for Ryan. "Hello Ryan-sensei. May I inquire as to why you're here?" asked Chachamaru looking at her new teacher. "I'm living here, dean said so, so please let me in." replied Ryan as Chachamaru stood aside and let the psychotic nut job into there house….that was the mistake they wish they could take back some time down the road.

Once inside Ryan enjoyed the sight of hundreds of dolls as Eva came down the stairs. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" yelled Evangeline as Ryan flopped down on an empty couch. "The dean told me I stay here." said Ryan as he pulled a blanket out of his pocket and settled down for bed.

**Period two**

Secrets hidden in the shadows

Everything was peaceful morning…..well at least till Asuna screamed bloody fucking murder waking everyone in the dorms up. "What was that?" asked Keade looking up. "Asuna found Negi in her bed after he snuck in there in his sleep." came the reply from Tenkai as he rolled over and out of bed. "I see, why is your brother in her bed?" asked Keade looking at the boy as Tenkai slid on a black suit and in place of the dress jacket he wore a lab coat with a brown armored portion over the left side of his chest that had a red cross on it and he tied a ruby pendent to his belt right over his right pocket.

"He's perverted like that." replied Tenkai as he finally put on his box frame glasses and did his hair into a braid. "I see, what about your other brother?" asked Keade as she got out of her bunk, grabbing her cloths and walked to the bath room. "He's just strange." came Tenkai's cheeky reply. "Right….." she said as she walked into the bathroom to get ready. Grabbing a suitcase Tenkai walked out of the apartment and to the school, with a big block of ice in hand. "Kaede, I'm going to go on ahead, I suddenly feel like Something horrible has shown up and I have to do some damage control." said Tenkai at the door before he left. He had no idea what had arrived, the one thing any being with a brain would fear.

Over at the Cabin Ryan had just woken up and found himself in Evangeline's bed hugging her and they were in a position that looked like a married couples. Slowly opening her eyes, Evangeline turned her eyes to the strange and unfamiliar feeling around her.

"Whaaaaaaaa?! WHAT IS THIS?!" She shrieked, causing Ryan's eyes to bolt open. "Eh? Hold on here, I don't remember this…just a dream that…OH." He suddenly realized he'd climbed into her bed late that night. "OK, seriously, I didn't mean it THIS time. After we lost Dad, I had this thing where I climbed into nee-san's bed in my sleep. I thought it was a problem that was solved some time ago, but hey, now I'm not seeing it as much of a problem anymore!!" He laughed. With an annoyed sigh, Evangeline pushed the chuckling boy out of bed. "Oh well, time to wake up anyway!!" Ryan said, still laughing. "You're an idiot." Was all Evangeline could manage to say. "I heard something was amiss, is there anything I can help with, Mistress?" Chachamaru asked, entering the room. "Help this poor soul see I am the only truth in her life. Show her I am her destiny! Bwahahahahahahahaha!!" Ryan cackled. "Get him out of the room so I can at least get ready without his presence." Evangeline sighed. "Aww come on, don't ruin my fun!!!" Ryan whined as the robot carried him out.

Evangeline returned shortly dressed in her school uniform, slightly pissed that she had to go (She often skipped Negi's class, but with Ryan on her back, it was hard to skip anything…). "He's been rather quiet Mistress." Chachamaru reported, pointing to Ryan crouched in a corner, scribbling something with red and black marker.

"What are you doing? You're a teacher, shouldn't you be leaving soon?" Evangeline asked. No reply. "Hello, I'm talking to you!" She shouted. Ryan rose, put the 'something' he was sketching away, then maliciously walked toward her… "What are…?" Evangeline asked, unsure what he was up to. However, he broke the tense moment with a sudden glomp. "Gotcha!!! NOW SQUEAK FOR MEEEE!" Ryan roared, squeezing tightly. "Get off me!! I will do no such…*Squeak*" Though she didn't really want to, the squeezing forced a small squeak from her. "OK, I'm happy now." Ryan replied, setting her down.

"But skip class on me, and I'll get you in your sleep." He said with a wink. "You're kidding, right?" Evangeline asked. SURELY he had to be joking!!! "No." Was Ryan's flat reply. "No I'm not joking. I WILL get you…maybe more!" He laughed, stepping into the other room to assume his normal appearance. (Going to class in black pajamas with little red hellhounds on it is hardly fitting…)

"Jeez, I wonder if Tenkai's up yet. Oh well, I've got a little joke to pull on a few victims today." He said, packing strange vials into a suitcase with skulls and crossbones on them, enough so that the whole class could suffer. "Failing my pop quiz today will mean…something amusing to me and very torturing to the failures." He laughed evilly. Leaping on top of Evangeline's bed, and a vial of the substances in hand, he continued to laugh, spinning around with it. "I will sick my little creations on the failures of today's little quiz, and…" Suddenly he gave out a loud yawn.

"WHY am I so tired?! It's like I got no sleep at all last night! Did I do more than sleepwalk?" He asked, looking to Evangeline and Chachamaru. "I can't function with such small reserves of energy, what I prefer to have is lots of energy and power!!" He fell onto the bed and ceased his laughing. "So, since my class isn't until later in the day, I think I'll sleep a little longer, to build up my energy. When my time comes however, my vials of failure will give me and Tenkai a good laugh!" He pulled the covers over himself, and when Evangeline left, she heard him laughing again as he drifted off to sleep.

Tenkai was walking through the main field in front of the Academy with a block of ice in hand, though it was getting smaller as Tenkai kept eating it. Looking around Tenkai saw that many of the girls at this time where far earlier then normal and walked slowly instead of the running that normally took place. Opening his bag he pulled out a small orange book with a red mark on the back of it. Laughing, he continued to walk through the plaza of the junior high school Academy letting the ice and thought's wonder. As he walked a shiver ran up his spine and he looked to a set of trees.

"15's in a cottage behind the school, go scare him." he said as three shadows shot off from the dense set of trees. "God damn it, I thought we left them in bloody Wales." said Tenkai as he shivered and continued his walk before walking into the class room and wait for the boys to start their classes, having small conversations with those that entered the class room. No one ever seem to notice the suitcase seemed to drip blood every now and then.

"Holmes…wake up, Holmes…" squeaked a high pitched voice. Ryan awoke to stare face-first into the trout he had thrown at the dean earlier. "What are you three doing here?" Ryan asked, tilting his head.

"You've been sleeping for some time now. You see, you're late for class." Bass said. Ryan threw the covers from the bed into the air and gasped. "OH SHIT!!" He shouted.

"My bag, oh god where did I leave that bag full of random things at?" He asked, frantically looking around. "You mean THIS bag full of random shit?" Bass asked, holding the bag up. "Yes, now hand that over or else!" Ryan warned, glaring evilly at the fish.

"If they're all random, I wonder what'll happen if I break them all!" Mr. Asshole said with a smirk. "Don't…you…fucking…dare!" The boy hissed, making a fist. "Then we get first dibs on the pwetty screwdriver I saw behind the door in the classroom." Bass said. "What are you…never mind. I don't want to know. YES! It's yours, now give me the bag!" Ryan agreed. He fish seemed happy, then tossed him his bag of potions. "Well…now that the matter is settled, I'm off to school…but I'm stopping on the way because I have a new outfit I wanted to try out." Ryan said, turning to leave.

"WAIT! How do we know you'll make good on your deal to get us the screwdriver?" Trout asked. "What? Oh come on, you guys can trust me!" Ryan argued. "Yeah, like we trusted George Clooney in bed last night! That bitch ran screaming before we brought out the metal pokey thing!" Bass said, holding up a machine which looked like a miniature pinwheel with writing on it. "Wait! That's my spell randomizer!" Ryan gasped. "You fish desecrated it?" He asked, sorrow filling his voice. "Yes. It jiggled and I liked it and I threw it away when I became a sausage." Bass replied. "Yeah…that's the randomizer part. It lets loose a blast of magical energies which affect anyone in the immediate area. In this case, you unlucky transsexual hookers." Ryan explained. "So each time it's a different effect?" Mr. Asshole asked. "That's right, it's a very unpredictable item." Ryan replied. "So it can rain men, like in the song?" Trout asked, eyes sparkling. "You have a 1 in like…ten quadrillion chance, but yeah." Ryan answered. "COOL!" The fish chimed in unison.

"Anyway, we're going with you into class today so we can get our sex slave." Bass said. "You mean your screwdriver, right?" Ryan asked. "What's the difference?!" Trout asked, genuinely confused. Ryan sighed and rushed out the door.

Back at class, everyone looked hopeful after Ryan had been absent for 23 minutes. "Damn, where'd my brother go off to?" Tenkai asked, curious as to what the hold up was. Suddenly, the boy came rushing into class, a piece of toast in his mouth and the fish hanging out of his schoolbag. "I wanna ride it again!" Trout cheered. "I wanna ride YOU again." Bass commented. "You know what? If you're gonna spend the class talking like a bunch of sex freaks, then go sit in the back and strip spontaneous girls throughout class." Ryan ordered.

"No men?" Mr. Asshole gasped. "No, this is an all girls school." Ryan replied. "Fine, but I better find a hermaphrodite in here." Trout growled, taking a seat. "OK, class, today is the magical pop quiz!" Ryan cheered, thudding a stack of papers onto his desk. "HEY! What did you do, raid Evangeline's closet too?" Asuna asked. Eva lifted an eyebrow and observed what the loudmouth was talking about and nearly gagged. Ryan wore a ripped up red and black striped shirt with twin tails in the back, and to couple that, he wore a long black skirt held together with red stitching. "There's no way I'd wear something that sorry looking." Eva commented, returning to not caring. "ENOUGH! I happen to like this outfit." Ryan said. "Just for mocking me, I'm switching tests on you so that most of you won't have a goddamn clue what's on the paper." He hissed, making the swap. "I want each of you to take this 205 question test and you're allowed only 2 mistakes or else a terrible fate awaits you." Ryan warned with a glint in his eye. This look clearly meant 'don't fail, our souls depend on it.' The glint in Ryan's eye was visible even in the back to Tenkai, who sat laughing his ass off, knowing someone was going to get royally fucked this day.

Before the tests were handed out though, Tenkai raised a hand. "I need to check on my suitcase." Tenkai said. Ryan took the strange case-which left a small trail of blood as it was carried to the front and laid on the desk. Everyone stared with worry watching the blood poke out in small drops when Tenkai poked it a few times after opening it ever so slightly. "Oh yeah, this thing's almost done." He commented. "What…what was that?" Kaede asked, focused on the blood. "Do it, Tenkai." Ryan said. "Boots!" Tenkai shouted, an old, smelly boot plowing her in the face before the large test thudded onto her desk. "Take it and pass or die." Ryan warned.

As the test progressed, you could swear it was a small lave in that classroom. Everyone didn't know if Ryan would make good on his word to kill the failures, he just seemed like that kind of teacher, he'd proven that the previous day. And those who lived, Tenkai was sure to have fun dissecting. Every now and again the two checked the time, just to make sure. "You just wanted to fuck with 'em, didn't you?" Tenkai asked with a smirk. "Yeah, that's why I'm testing them after I taught them nothing yesterday." Ryan answered. "Untrue, you taught them that cats turn into monsters when you put chemicals on them." Tenkai added, remembering that cat monster was still on the loose. "Sooo…everyone done yet?" Ryan asked happily, putting down the Neon Genesis Evangelion manga he was reading. While a few shook their heads, most just stared and slowly nodded, afraid they failed. "You all, for those who are still working, I shall jot down random answers!" Ryan declared, darting around the room filling in the blanks. "NOW we're done." He declared, collecting them all. "Who thinks they passed?" He asked, a few raised their hands. "Fucking liars." He told them. Tossing them to his brother, he then said

"Tenkai, could you tell me they all failed please?" "Um, yeah, let me get my pencil out…" Tenkai replied, digging in his pockets, blood going all over the floor as body parts tumbled out of his lab coat. "SHIT! I'll just use this guy's finger, it's still bleeding." He said. Ryan gave a nod and the class gathered around to observe.

Finally, Tenkai put them down, his hands messy with the sap's blood whose finger he wrote with. "Well I'll be damned, most of them passed!" He sighed. "WHAT?!!" Ryan roared, pounding the table. "Well, they all passed except for Setsuna Sakuazaki, Makie Sasaki, Ku Fei, Asuna Kagurazaka, Yue Ayase, Fuka Narutaki, and Fumika Narutaki." Tenkai announced with a sadistically evil grin which looked like it could have belonged to the Lord of the Vampires. "Oh good. I was hoping someone…wait, I didn't write on THEIR tests! So I randomly jotted down correct answers unaware? Oh, fuck me." Ryan sighed. "NO THANK YOU!!" Everyone answered. "Oh come on, Eva. You know you want me." Ryan hissed.

"NOW, to your punishments!" He pulled open his bag of random potions and picked out seven different colored ones which were marked with a label which read "Dangerous, do not use unless….Oh, fuck it, go on and laugh at their misfortune." "Good for me!! Setsuna dear, you're up first. Get over here and take your medicine." Ryan ordered. "Wow bro, that wasn't sexual at all." Tenkai sarcastically said. "So let's see what this neon blue one does." Ryan said as Setsuna nervously finished drinking the potion. Quickly her eyes glazed over and she walked back to her seat.

"Umm, Secchan? Are you ok?" asked Konoka getting the Setsuna to look at her. After a few seconds of looking at Konoka, a small line for drool made it's way down her chin and the next thing Konoka knows it the Setsuna was glomping her and there lips locked together. "Next up is Makie, Come drink your punishment!" ordered Tenkai like an announcer as Makie slowly walked up to the front desk and drank an off purple potion.

Walking over to her desk, she suddenly yelled out, "Ball hair strontium muncher!" came out of her mouth to which she slapped her hands over her mouth and her eyes wide. Looking from the kissing couple to Makie who seemed to have trouble with what she could hold in.

"Ku-chan, it's your turn," said Ryan, "So get your ass up here!" making the young martial artist gulp and walk up to the front desk to be given her cruel punishment, in the from of a potion that was a bright yellow color. Draining the potion Ku's eyes seemed to brightened with understanding. "Well, it seems that your punishment has made me far smarter then the others of my class. Do tell me when the effects will wear off?" she asked in perfect English. "Don't know, don't care." replied the twins at the same time. "Oh bother." she replied as she returned to her seat.

"Asuna, your turn." said Tenkai his grin turning feral. Walking up everyone watched closely wondering what was to happen to her, when she was about to refuse Ryan forced the tube into her mouth and forced her to drink. The silver drink passed into her and after a few seconds, nothing happened. She though she was nothing would happen when her body started to move on it's own and slowly and sexually strip her school uniform off in front of the class. "No, I don't want to be undressed by my self….." she said and shut up realizing what she said.

"Miss Yue, come get your potion." said Ryan, his grin growing and phantom Glasgow grin appearing on his face, making her gulp as she walked forward. Once she arrived at the front, she was handed a green potion that she drank. Once she finished she started to brake out in laughter as she body started to be tickled by her own clothing.

"And now for the twins, come up here." the elder twins said together as the two resigned them selves to there fate as they walked up to the teachers desk. Holding out two test tubes, Ryan let the girls choose between a black potion or a gold potion. Drinking there potion, Fuka was enveloped in a bright light and once it subsided she was several years older and a lot taller. The other twin, Fumika, suddenly started to hold her mouth as if to hold something in. Looking to the other Tenkai and Ryan grabbed a hand and removed it from her mouth and she suddenly burst into song and dance.

Never Gonna Give You UpWe're no strangers to loveYou know the rules and so do IA full commitment's what I'm thinking ofYou wouldn't get this from any other guyI just wanna tell you how I'm feelingGotta make you understandNever gonna give you up, never gonna let you downNever gonna run around and desert youNever gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbyeNever gonna tell a lie and hurt youWe've known each other for so longYour heart's been aching but you're too shy to say itInside we both know what's been going onWe know the game and we're gonna play itAnd if you ask me how I'm feelingDon't tell me you're too blind to seeNever gonna give you up, never gonna let you downNever gonna run around and desert youNever gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbyeNever gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you downNever gonna run around and desert youNever gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbyeNever gonna tell a lie and hurt you(Ooh give you up)(Ooh give you up)(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up)(Ooh) never gonna give, never gonna give (give you up)We've known each other for so longYour heart's been aching but you're too shy to say itInside we both know what's been going onWe know the game and we're gonna play itI just wanna tell you how I'm feelingGotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you downNever gonna run around and desert youNever gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbyeNever gonna tell a lie and hurt you

(A/N: Rick Astley Lyrics to Never going to give up are found on .com)

Stunned by the little girls song none of them heard the bell, or the moans from the two girls in the back. "Alright everyone class is over, your free to leave." said Tenkai getting the girls to jump and suddenly start rushing out the door. "But remember," Ryan called out. "Just because you've left class, I still can get you in your sleep!!" "What do you mean??" Tenkai asked, pulling his brother back next to him. "You can't get them then, you'll be too busy with Eva." "So?" asked Ryan trying to figure out his brothers point.

"Never mind, come on we need to bother Negi-chan." said Tenkai grabbing his bloody suitcase and walked out the door. "Where is the little Twangulio anyway?" asked Ryan looking at his slightly older brother. "More then likely doing something that gets him turned into a ermine." replied Tenkai as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked away. "It couldn't be that bad." said Ryan as he walked next to his brother and before he could get a reply someone tapped him on the shoulder. Turning he saw the old man Takamachi. "Yes old man?" asked Ryan "The Dean want's to talk to you Ryan." said Takamachi in semi-fury. "Right, I'll see you later bro." said Ryan as he dashed off to the Dean's office. "Well then, I'm off." said Tenkai as he walked away as something escaped his bloody case and ran off.

Later as Tenkai was walking in the forest the sound of blades hitting a tree. With nothing better to do he sneaks up and looks behind a tree just in time to see several blades coming his way. Reacting on instinct the pendent on his hip glowed and a field of energy appeared between him and the blades making them bounce harmlessly off course. "Oh, so you where hiding things." came Kaede's voice from the trees. "And so where you Kaede-ninja-chan." called Tenkai looking about the clearing. "I don't know what your talking about." said Kaede, as her danger sense tingled and not wanting to be harmed, jumped away from her position, just as it exploded in fiery glory. As she sailed through the air a sickle cut thought the air a thin piano wire trailing behind it, cutting into her shoulder.

"Ya, blood fountain." said Tenkai as the sickle returned to his hand, blood running down the blade. "Your good, Tenkai-dono." she said holding her shoulder. "More then you will ever know, now tell me what you saw." he said his eyes starting to glow with a red light as his ruby pendent did. "The pendent glowing and a shield, like magic de gozaru." said Kaede looking at the older man with a glazed look in his eyes.

"Exactly like magic, and now you have to make a choice." said Tenkai as his eyes returned to normal. "What choice is that?" asked Kaede looking at the wizard. "You must make a contract with me or I kill you." said Tenkai looking at her. "I see, then I'll make a contract." replied Kaede. "Good, then you just have to kiss me and I'll take care of the rest." he said getting Kaede to blush at the information. "It's tradition." he said looking at her. She nodded and did as she was told and a large magic circle with various runes and a chaos star in the center of the ring and four light entered into her. "Good, I'll see you at the party later." said Tenkai healing her shoulder and leaving as she blushed touching her lips lightly

"Fuck!! That old geezer better get off my ass!!" Ryan growled, slamming the door to the Dean's office. As he started down the end of the hall, the conversation echoed through his mind, causing him to kick the nearest thing, a small boy who hadn't left yet. "Telling me my methods are too unfocused, telling me to get a study planner. Fuck him." He said. "Now what the fuck am I going to do?" He asked himself, continuing down the path to Eva's cabin. But, he decided he wasn't in the mood to go home just yet. "I'll get something to drink." He thought aloud. "Watch all that language, young man!" Called a teacher, to which Ryan pulled on a beanie with a golden eye on it and began to spurt fourth every foul word known to man in a different voice before ripping his hat off and walking off again.

Finally, he passed by a nearby café whose widows were glowing neon green, red, and blue. "Flashy much?" He asked, staring into the window, only to spot Evangeline and Chachamaru. A wide grin slowly formed on Ryan's face as a thought of perversion and cleverness formed on his face. Maybe it was his pissed off nature at the Dean that gave him the idea, or maybe it was his power recollection, but whatever the reason, he knew of something fun he could do.

He casually opened the door, but stood in plain view, just so the two girls saw him come in. And it worked…Evangeline spat out whatever she was drinking and groaned. "I already have to deal with you in school AND at home. Do you have to come here too?" The asked her teacher. Chachamaru replied with a simple "Hello, Ryan-sensei. Good to see you." Ryan nodded to her with a smile, then looked down at Evangeline. "I can go where I please, Café Fish Empire isn't a private place. Come to think of it though…why the odd name?" He asked, looking at the décor, which was full of statues of Basses, Trout, and asses of Tunas. "Oh shit…REALLY?! REALLY??!!" Ryan shouted, knowing now that this place was run by the 3 perverted and random fish. "I was wondering why our waitress was a seal in a Speedo and a maid headdress." Evangeline commented, thinking back. "Think you want to keep drinking that now?" Ryan asked, pointing to her drink, which Evangeline quickly pushed away and shouted "Check, please!! I'm out of here!!" Ryan snickered, realizing this was isolating her from most who could help her if she was in danger. Bass walked out of the back room in a red tuxedo with a nametag which read "Hello, my name is Mr. Sexy Ass. Fuck me, please." Eva dropped the money on the table and quickly stormed out, Ryan and Chachamaru following.

"I never know where those things are going to pop up next…" Ryan sighed, referring to the fish. "It was the nametag he had that did it for me." Replied Evangeline. Turing his attention to the sky, which was turning an orange color, Ryan smiled. "Hey Eva-chan, I never really did get a chance to ever talk to you outside an awkward situation, have I?" He asked. "No, I suppose you haven't, but then again, you are responsible for all of those situations, aren't you?" She replied in a rude manner, so much as to draw Ryan's attention from the sky and a sweat drop fell from his head. "OK, I guess that's true. But hey, it was all funny, and for the sake of massive humiliation!" The boy laughed.

The comment had already blown over his head and he as back to his mood of mischief. All he had to do was get Chachamaru away from Evangeline, unless you could mentally control a robot, too. Worth a try in Ryan's book. "Ugio sine fine Daemon, parce mihi uriosus occulos timeo. rigeo, cor fit petra Vita mea fracta st et demissa Et perdita…" He sang in a kind of marching manner. "What song Is that?" Evangeline asked, confused by the sudden outburst of Latin songs. "It's 'Schwarze Sonne' meaning Black Sun, by a band called E Nomine." Ryan replied. "Eva-chan, would you mind turning over here for a moment? You too, Chachamaru." He asked the two.

He was using one of his powers, bring to life any creature he could imagine. There was a snake which seemed perfect for this moment. At this instant, he knew he wanted Evangeline as his own, plus, he wished to form a Pactio with her. However, she'd never do such a thing with him, so he needed to mind control her. And of course, it would help if Chachamaru were likewise under his control. The snake which could assist him was an Indian python named Kaa. So, with their attention, Ryan concentrated hard on bringing the serpent to life, imagining his brown body and circular spots running down his brown form…however, just in case that wasn't enough for Chachamaru, he then imagined a Mecha Kaa, a cyborg serpent with Kaa's powers. Ryan outstretched his arm for the beast to materialize on and one of his eyes glowed yellow, the other glowing blue, each for opposite summoning of the snakes.

As a shadow does with the setting sun, the snakes came forth from his hands, both facing their respective victim, the robot snake staring at Chachamaru and the flesh snake looking at Evangeline. "OK, my slithering minions, you two know what to do, right?" Ryan asked with his grin growing.

They both nodded and simultaneously, their eyes produced colorful rings, red, yellow, blue, over and over again. These rings were a spell which buried themselves into the eyes of their target, whose eyes mirrored said colors and mesmerized them into a trance which called for total obedience. "How absolutely perfect!! A glorious spell. It is a wonderful way in which to create a blossom of desire. I know that with her fierce resistance, there is no way I could get her to fall for the likes of myself. This is why I chose to employ these creatures. Why I chose Kaa and his cyber double. A serpent with such abilities are a stroke of creation which could cause a second thought to cross even the mind of God." Ryan said, apparently lost in his own thoughts. But what did it matter who heard? The only two present with him were lost in the wonder that was the eyes of the serpents.

Both girl's pupils shrank until they were the size of pinpricks, then the colors busted fourth from their eyes, proclaiming their loss of will. This pleased the wizard, and Ryan laughed, arching his back and drawing back his lips to show his teeth as he did so. "I think I've done it!! WOW!! That was slightly easier than expected. No resistance at all!!" He said.

Suddenly, just as if fate heard him and wanted to fuck with him a little, Chachamaru, realizing her master was possibly in danger, snapped free for a moment and heard that her teacher was behind this. She turned to help Evangeline and took a step forward, because it was all she COULD take, since Ryan stepped in front of her.

"That would be rather unfortunate, wouldn't you agree?" He asked her with an annoyed look. "I am sorry, sensei, but I must do what is required to aid my master." She responded, attempting to push him out of the way, but as her arm moved forward, a black mass erupted from Ryan's right arm and blocked it. Numerous eyes opened on it and twin mouths opened and breathed heavily against her. Ryan's eyes glowed red.

"What I meant to say was that I am not going to allow that! You're being very annoying, my dear!! You're compromising my plans!" He growled, pushing back on her and dragging her back towards her snake. Ryan narrowed his eyes and pushed even harder, knowing it would take more that that to move her completely. "Checkmate, Chachamaru!" He laughed, the mass of darkness creating a kind of black explosion which rocketed her backwards. The eyes and the darkness had faded, and the boy returned to his more 'human' appearance.

"Try it again, Mecha Kaa! Bungle it up this next time and I'll blow your fucking head off." Ryan warned. The snake nodded and looked his coils around Chachamaru's stomach and arms, securing her in place. "So, that's your strength? I guess you underestimated me. I gave your physical strength a failing grade, now I can give your mental strength a failing grade too. Eva-chan didn't fight it much, but I had more trouble with YOU than I expected!" Ryan said, his eyes ceasing to glow anymore.

He then calmly walked over to Evangeline, a wide smile on her face as most did when Kaa hypnotized them. "OK, Kaa-san, I can take it from here." He said. Ryan swished his arm back and Kaa vanished to wherever Ryan might have summoned him from and then he lifted Evangeline's head up with his hand so she was looking at him now.

"I want you to close your eyes and take a little nap for me, is that understood?" Ryan asked. Evangeline nodded and slowly fell asleep, caught before she fell by Ryan. All was back on track and he could continue with his ideas. "With that done, I want you to put this in the back of your mind." Ryan ordered. Again, Evangeline nodded. "Good girl. Now…slowly, very slowly, you will come to love me, to adore me, for me to be your one and only. I want you to think of me always, even as you sleep, as you fight, always have me on your mind." He instructed, brushing her blonde hair back, a blush on her face from the touch. Ryan laughed and stepped backwards so he could see them both. "Eva-chan, when I snap my fingers, I want you to return to being awake and remember nothing." He said. He waved his hand and the Mecha Kaa vanished, releasing Chachamaru from his spell, then Ryan began to draw the Pactio seal on the ground under Evangeline.

When he finished, he snapped his fingers and faced her. Evangeline shook her head and yawned. "W-what were we talking about?" She asked. "Oh, right…um…I forgot…" Ryan said with a laugh, feigning a trip over his own foot so he fell into Evangeline, their lips meeting as they fell over, he on top of her. _Not exactly what I planned for our first kiss, but whatever works. I now have my partner. Thank you, Eva-chan._ Ryan thought.

"Oops, are you OK?" He asked, grinning, and holding his hand out for her, making sure she didn't see the symbol on the ground. While she took his left hand, four flashes of light entered into her body, the smirk never leaving his face. Ryan pulled Evangeline up and she dusted herself off, a small blush highlighting her cheeks. "Eva-chaaaaaaan…" Ryan sang, pointing at her cheeks. "It's a bit of dust, you idiot!" She shouted back in embarrassment. "Come on, Chachamaru, let's leave him to his perverted thoughts." She added, motioning for her to follow. _Thoughts for now maybe. But we'll see soon enough…_

He thought, before he heard his brother Tenkai's voice. "Ryan!!! What are you doing here, sitting on your ass much?" He asked. "Not…exactly. I have some fun news to report." Ryan said, himself now blushing. "I know, but we need to head over to a fun little party while I tell YOU something that happened to ME." Tenkai replied. "What, how do you know?" asked Ryan. "It's me that your talking to, I saw it as I was walking up. Like you I now have a partner in Kaede Nagase as you have Eva-chan. Everything of going according to plan." said Tenkai as they walked to the school.

"What plan, is there something your not telling me brother?" asked Ryan looking at his brother. "Now brother do you think I won't tell you something," asked Tenkai with a fake look of shocked. "Clearly you don't know me as well as you think you do if you have to ask. Don't worry, you go on with your plans and they'll fit right into my plans."

"Ok, I get it, so what will you tell me?" asked Ryan looking at the scheming young man. "Nothing, I don't want anyone to get in my way. Sorry brother." said Tenkai his eyes glowing bright red and shadows pulled to him covering his form. "I see, well, as long as it doesn't interfere with me making Eva-chan mine." said Ryan a little put out that he didn't get to surprise his brother. "Don't worry, I won't let it as it is a very important part of my plan." said Tenkai as they walked into the school and over to the class room of 2-A.

Finding that Negi was there with a bleeding Chamo on his shoulder. "Hey Chamo-kun, how are you?" asked Tenkai pulling out a scalpel and waving it at him making Chamo squeak and dive into Negi's coat. "Tenkai-nee-sama, what did you do?" asked Negi. "Nothing you need to know about." replied Ryan as he opened the door and party poppers went off. "Welcome Springfield-senseis!" yelled the class full of girls as they entered. Soon a large party was under way with Negi getting most of the attention from the girls because the elder of the boys scared the day-light's out of them being the deranged psycho paths that they where.

AN: This may take time to update as me and the co-author need to get together to write it as it was born from born our minds so long update time and for that I apologize a head of time. So for now enjoy and think about what other scary things may come into the story and what Tenkai's and Ryan's evil plans are.


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